When I fell pregnant with my second baby I was over the moon as my fertility specialist said it was likely the embryo wouldn’t take because it was the first frozen transfer and the success rates weren’t great. But during the two week wait; and some of us know how painful and anxiety driven that two week wait is, I experienced some pregnancy symptoms. I was feeling nauseous, I had tightness and was tired; I just felt pregnant. I was so tempted to take a pregnancy test but didn’t want to incase the results were negative and we would be heartbroken more than once. We waited and received the phone call from my doctor (with my clinic, I knew that an earlier phone call in the afternoon was a good one as they ring all the successful pregnancies first and leave the difficult phone calls for later on – I have experienced those phone calls too). The news was good. My husband and I were so happy. Thrilled. My doctor also couldn’t believe it given the success rates of frozen embryos. He was so happy for us.
My pregnancy went along pretty well. I had a couple of hiccups with bleeding and in hospital a couple of times on short-stay bed rest but absolutely nothing major like some women go through. I was really excited moving through the pregnancy but also wondered how my life would change with two babies and not just parenting my little Matilda. Matilda would be just over 18 months when the baby arrived and I was a little concerned about how I would cope considering I had a little PND after Matilda was born. I didn’t want to go down that path again and I was adamant about changing my mindset and the words I spoke about how I was going to cope and for me, I think that really helped alleviate some self-doubt.
The day arrived when Master Charlie came into our lives. He was the spitting image of his dad and was just delightful. My family visited and everyone was really happy about meeting Charlie and then Jason bought Matilda in. Being 18 months of age and not really understanding what had just happened she wasn’t so happy about Charlie arriving. She wasn’t loving, she pushed him away, she kept saying “no” and I thought oh my goodness, what have we done? Maybe we should have waited a bit, but in the infertility world, your choices of when you want to have a baby are pretty slim. My initial reaction when we first discovered what our infertility issues were, was, lets get things moving along and get this show on the road as time was not on our side.
The jump from one to two kids was big, for me. Even though I knew what to expect second time around, it was hard finding balance in caring for a newborn and a toddler. Thankfully Charlie was a great newborn; my anxiety was around giving time to Matilda and not getting frustrated with her little tantrums and outbursts knowing that all she really wanted was her mum. It probably took Matilda a couple of months for her to really show some affection towards her little brother. I noticed it once when I picked her up from childcare and the staff were looking at little Charlie and she was saying “my brother” and being super protective.
Jason and I had to be really conscious of spending one on one time with Matilda. He had already started taking Matilda out on breakfast dates when I was pregnant and that increased once Charlie had arrived to every Saturday. Daddy daughter dates were just the best. She loved it and was much happier when she came home and was more settled. Charlie and I joined the breakfast dates once Matilda paid her brother some more attention and we could both spend time with her.
Whilst the first few months were tough having a baby second time around was much easier than having my first as I knew what to expect for most of the part and making sure I got enough sleep really helped. Jason was such a great support and helped with night feeds so that I could get uninterrupted sleep until the 4am feed. Looking back now I wouldn’t change our decision to get the ball rolling with our IVF journey and Matilda and Charlie are great buddies now and play so well together. I know there will be fights and arguing between them as they grow but I really hope and pray they will be the best of friends and support and love each other through life’s challenges. So it wasn’t love at first sight for Miss M but now she is one protective sister and wants everyone to know that Charlie is her little brother.