Yes, I have a son and a daughter. Almost everytime people find this out, I am greeted with a comment like ‘well done’, ‘aren’t you clever’, ‘that’s a perfect family’ or my favourite ‘you must be happy, you got one of each’.
Let me tell you, it has nothing to do with being clever. I didn’t try to have a boy and a girl. I was simply trying to have a baby. Growing up, I always thought I would like a daughter one day. However, when my son was born 6 weeks early, I saw first hand how quickly things can take a turn for the worse. After days of heart rate monitoring and worry, I was just happy to be holding a healthy baby. There are parents holding the hands of sick children everywhere, I’m sure they dont care if it’s their son or daughter. As a parent you just want a healthy and happy child.
The ‘clever’ people are the doctors and nurses who care for you throughout your pregnancy and help deliver a healthy baby, the doctors that look after sick babies/children and the people assisting women and men experience parenthood with IVF. I am certainly not in that category. I simply got pregnant twice and just happened to be lucky enough to have two healthy children – one boy and one girl.
Also, people often ask if I want more children and it’s like I am given the ‘ok’ by them to not have anymore because I already have one of each? ‘Oh, a boy and a girl, how wonderful. You don’t need anymore’. Where on earth is this mentality coming from and why do people feel the need to even comment on such a personal issue? I can honestly say even if I had a second baby boy, I would still have stopped at two children. It had nothing to do with the sex of my second child, it was a decision by my husband and I. A choice we made for our future and the fact that we are happy with two healthy children.
We need to stop the silly comments, shaming, questions and judgements on parents. Just because a family has three boys or four girls is doesn’t mean they are unhappy. It doesn’t even mean they kept having children so they could get a boy or a girl. It may simply mean they want a big family? Next time you see someone with two or more children, don’t comment on the sex of the child, don’t congratulate them for having a pigeon pair or look at them disappointed because they have two boys. Just tell them they have beautiful children…..if you can’t even manage this, say nothing at all.
As a mother I don’t need the appoval or praise from others, especially strangers. I didn’t pick the sex of my children, I’m just doing my best to be a good mother, regardless of if my child is a boy or a girl.