Prior to Hudson I had never changed a nappy, I would gag at the site or smell of vomit and to be honest I was a little worried about how I would cope with motherhood. Now, I am a seasoned pro and can change a nappy with my eyes closed while singing ‘Old Mc Donald’
I have mothehood days where I feel like Martha Stewart. Perfect family, Instagram filtered days. The problem with these days, is that they’re few and far between. Most days are just average parenting days full of highs, lows and a mixture of laughter and tantrums…..then there are the dark moments. You feel like you have run a marathon with two small people hanging off you, everything is sticky and you probaby smell of poop or vomit.
These are the moments I need to discuss. I have to get them off my chest. I’m sure all mother’s and father’s have experienced something similar. Some of my highlights are now particularly funny (mostly gross but also funny). At the time of some of these events I was probably on the verge of tears. It’s important to look back now and laugh, I survived and my children are happy.
▫ Mark of the year – I have ran accross a room to catch both poop and/or vomit rather than let it fall on clothing, the couch or the floor. Literally put my hands out to grab it like it’s the golden snitch in a quiddich match, anything to save an outfit or a little bit of extra carpet cleaning.
▫Sneaky tidy up – I have wiped baby chuck off clothing and scampered off to work like nothing is wrong. Sometimes when both children are already strapped in the car and you see a milk mark on your jacket it’s just too late and too much effort to go home and get changed.
▫ MacGyver – my husband had just returned to work after I had Scarlett. I discovered I was completely out of breastpads. I had to go to the supermarket and get more but couldn’t risk springing a leak in aisle 5. I cut a maternity pad in half and used that. Stuck in my bra and all, worked like a charm.
▫ Boom! – Poop and or vomit has been scrubbed off our couch, carpet, blinds…..how on earth do they manage shoot it accross the room. The sheer force (even from a newborn) is completely amazing and a big surprise if you’re not ready for it.
▫ Boom…headshot!!– My daughter, beautiful baby girl shot a bit of poop into my mouth. Yep, that’s correct…… I was changing a nappy when she was a newborn. Bent down as I was singing/chatting to her and ka boom, right in the kisser.
▫ Thanks but no thanks – Hudson will often say ‘mummy this is for you’ as he sweetly hands me a boogie? We’re slowly learning that they go in a tissue.
▫ Flush first – Since Hudson has been toilet trained he has also learnt about using a toilet brush to tidy any marks on the bowl. Great! I thought I was winning at motherhood teaching him how to clean up after himself. However, we now pretty much argue daily as he wants to use the brush to clean the toilet prior to flushing the poop down, clearly that lesson has backfired on me.
▫ Code brown – most parents have had this moment. Your little one is happily playing in the bath one minute and the next everything changes. In our house one parent is normally yelling ‘code brown’ getting the child or children from the bath while the other fishes for the floating culprit and proceeds to disinfect or bin the bath toys.
It’s true what they say, it really is different when it’s your own children. All of these moments are pretty gross, but they are honest and in reality just another little bump in the road. It goes to show, motherhood really changes a person, I’m a perfect example.