Don’t judge

These days it seems everyone is always judging others, the decisions they make and making assumptions about that person based on very little information.  Almost everyday there is some topic on my news feed where women are bickering about something that in the scheme of things is a very minute detail. I believe ‘each to their own’ and we have the right to make choices during pregnancy and with our children and shouldnt be judged or feel the need to justify our actions.
I thought I would share some things from pregnancy, birth and being a mum that I am sure people will judge.  Hopefully it makes other mums more comfortable with decisions they make.

¤ I had very few food restrictions in both my pregnancies.  My Obgyn was happy for me to eat anything I wanted (in moderation). The only thing he restricted was soft serve ice cream and fish high in mercury.  I ate sushi, deli meat, soft cheese and even had a wine a couple times on a special occasions.  As long as food was fresh and cooked well there were no problems.

¤ I wore heels when I was pregnant. Yep, high heels, stilettos, boots. I didn’t just start wearing them because I was pregnant. I have always worn them. During both pregnancies I received comments about it and how I could fall etc. I was sensible about it and often had some flats around incase my swollen feet got sore or I had to walk a distance.

¤ I wanted a C section.  Even though in the end fate took this decision out of my hands as my son was breech.  The truth is I never had any interest in a vaginal birth. The thought of it frightened me, my inner control freak took over and was booked in for an elective c section anyway. Women often look at me like I took the easy way out or somehow think I am less of a mother all because of how I gave birth. They ask me if I am disapointed that I missed the natural childbirth experience… no. I have two healthy children. Why would I be disappointed? It’s my body and my choice how I have my babies. I don’t feel I missed anything and the important part is raising the children,  not how they were born.

¤ I  didn’t enjoy breast feeding and stopped early.  Something about breastfeeding didn’t work for me. I was uncomfortable and just didn’t enjoy it. I gave it a go both times. My son was breastfed for 12 weeks and my daughter 6 weeks. I had enough milk and I can still hear my maternal health nurse freaking out when I told her I was switching to formula. Both babies were very fussy breast feeders and I believe it’s because I wasn’t comfortable.  I wasn’t going to continue doing something that made me unhappy and my baby fussy, when there was a suitable option available. 

¤  I have used controlled crying techniques for both my children.  Of course I don’t just let them cry for hours and I give them just as much unconditional love as the co sleeping mums. Having my children learn to self settle and sleep in their own beds was important for myself and my husband.

I’m not writing these things to say what I have done or decided is right and I’m certainly not being arrogant about my decisions. Simply put, this what has worked for me.

Everyone (especially women/mothers) need to be more supportive of each other. I applaud the women who have had a drug free birth, the mums who breastfeed for 12 months or who choose attachment parenting. Even though its opposite to what I have done. Whatever choice you make is fine with me, happy children and parents is what counts. Be confident, own your choices and don’t let anyone’s opinions get you down.

Rachelle xx

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