Before you become someone’s mum, you prepare for your life to change. You know you will love your child more than anything. What has taken me by surprise is some feelings and situations that have completely overwhelmed me, while some of these feelings are completely expected the sheer magnitude of them still amazes me.
Hope: Since becoming a mum I have more feelings of hope. I want my children to live in a world of happiness and acceptance. Not hate, discrimination and war. I want my children to be free to be whatever and whoever they want and I will support them 100%. I love how they see the word with their innocent little eyes.
Happiness: Being a mother makes me happy in ways I cannot describe. Even after a large poop explosion or massive tantrum. Seeing my babies smile is the best thing and can brighten the darkest day.
Thankful: I am so thankful for what my parents have done for me and how they have brought me up. Only since becoming a parent do I truly understand the sacrifices they have made.
Pride: There is nothing better than seeing your child learn and work new things out. I am also so proud of my husband, having children has brought us closer than ever. He works so hard and I am very proud to call him the father of my children. Don’t get me wrong it’s not all rosey all the time, we have our disagreements, but we work through them, we talk. That’s what is important.
Pain: I thought I had felt pain. But there is no worse pain than seeing your child hurting and not being able to fix it. I just want to take the pain away from them. I would prefer to take all the pain than ever see them suffer. I take my hat off to any parent of a very sick child or disabled child. I know you cope and are strong because that’s what parents do and anyone in the same position would. However, I admire strength and postitvity when I see it. I believe these people are truly amazing.
Frustration: Oh frustration. I have to take a deep breath on a daily basis. There is nothing worse than a toddler going absolutely crazy, red in the face, screaming like a banchee and not being able to reason with them. I get tense in my neck, I become sweaty and it takes me all my strength not to yell (sometimes I do, I’m not perfect) These are difficult times but walking away and taking a breath helps. They are just as frustrated as us, but in the heat of the moment it’s very hard.
Disheartened: along with the feelings of hope come feelings of being disheartened. Wanting things to go a certain way and not happening. Knowing your child can do something but having to watch them fail while they try so hard.
Worry: this is constant. I knew I would worry but I had no idea how much. Do we have enough money? Are they hot? Are they cold? Am I doing enough? Are they happy? I don’t think this ends, it’s part of being a parent.
Guilt: with worry comes guilt. I feel guilty leaving my children for work. I feel like they may watch too much TV or somedays have too much sugar. We all have bad days, never compare yourself to others. Some people may appear to have it all and do it all but you never know what is happening behind the scenes of their perfectly filtered Instagram and Facebook pictures.
Determined: I am more determined in every single aspect of my life. I want to set a good example for my children. I will work hard to give them what they need and I will teach them the values that I have been taught.
This all does sound very warm and cuddly. However, there are times where I wonder what happened to the old me, I freak out and want to run away when my son is mid tantrum. I think about the days when my biggest problem was having amazing handbags or shoes. After all this though, I really wouldn’t change a thing, all the feelings are worth it. You certainly know you’re alive and life has a whole new perspective.