A rough start

Early 2012 my husband and I discovered I was pregnant with my first child. I had what would be considered a uncomplicated pregnacy. Minimal sickness, good blood pressure and no real problems.  I planned to work up until two weeks before bub was due and other than being super tired I thought everything was fine. I was complaining about being uncomfortable but little did I know that within a week I would be a mum and experience one of the hardest times of my life. 

It was late October and I went to work in my office job as usual, I remember having some back pain but nothing serious.  I went home and decided to take the dog for a walk (well slow waddle) to try and stretch out my back. I farewelled my husband who was in the shower after work. I got halfway around the local park and felt a huge gush of water run down my leg. I stopped and really had no idea what to do, it was exactly like the movies.  So here I am with our pug x standing in a park, in a puddle with no one around to ask for help.  I scurried home as fast as possible.  I told my husband as he opened the door that my water broke and he looked at me in disbelief and proceeded to tell me its normal to have ‘little accidents’ this late in pregnancy due to pressure on the bladder (at least I know he was listening in the classes).  After restraining myself from slapping him I squelched into the house and called my doctor who advised I head straight to the hospital. I quickly threw some clothes in a bag and we were on our way. When I arrived at Frances Perry they tested and it was indeed my water that broke.  My obs came and gave me some drugs to stop the labour and I was monitored for the next day. The babies heartrate droppped a couple of times and they decided it was safer to give me an emergency c section and deliver the baby at 33 weeks instead of trying to wait. 

My son Hudson Edward was born at 8.01pm on the 30/10/2012. I was able to hold him for only a few seconds before they whisked him away to the Special Care Nursery. I was advised they would monitor him but he would probably be there for a couple of weeks.  This was the beginning of one of the most emotional journeys of my life. I spent 6 days in hospital, I was able to visit the nursery whenever I wanted but could not hold  my tiny son. He would cry and all I could do was watch and stroke his little hands and back through the humidi crib windows. I have never felt so useless in my life. I felt I was already failing as a mother and he wasn’t even a week old. I couldn’t change nappies, give baths or breastfeed (everything you take for granted). I would sit and stare at him for hours but due to breathing problems and him not sucking I was still unable to hold him.The day came for me to be discharged from hospital and I still wasn’t able to hold my baby.

We arrived home, I was so emotional.  I wasn’t pregnant anymore, yet I didn’t have my baby.  I was over the moon that my son was healthy and in the best place. However, I felt empty. During this time my husband was my support and rock. I couldn’t drive, lift, clean etc because of the c section and he took care of everything and delt with me being and emotional wreck (even though he was going through the same thing).   
 I had to go to the hospital for feeds and eventually myself and my husband were able to hold our baby boy and it was one of the best moments ever. Even though there were monitors, drips and oxygen around it felt so special and I never wanted to let him go. Three weeks went past and Hudson was feeding and putting on weight. They removed the feeding tubes and advised he would be home within a week. He came home after 4 weeks in hospital.  It felt like Christmas, we were nervous and excited to finally experience being parents outside of a hospital environment.  

Hudson suffered from silent reflux and wasn’t an easy baby by any means. But I wouldn’t change a thing.  We love him more every day and he is now a very healthy happy two year old.  
As I sit here typing I am holding my baby girl, she was full term and a completely different experience and baby. I never took the first precious moments for granted. 

When you find out you’re pregnant you expect everything to go as planned. This doesn’t always happen, so many women get hung up on drug free births, birth plans and small insignificant details. My story hopefully makes people realise that the most important thing about having a baby is the health of the baby and mother. Never take those first moments for granted and never feel like less of a mother for not having a perfect textbook birth.Embrace your baby and enjoy every single moment.

Rachelle xx

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